Twisted and Convoluted
by MannyZanders
Summary: Johnny thinks about the two women in his life, Lulu and Maxie. Pro JoMax oneshot


She was beautiful, that girl; there was just no denying that fact. But then, it had never occurred to Johnny to try. Sure he loved Lulu; but neither was he blind or stupid. Maxie Jones was something else; the girl was a walking wet dream in designer heels.

But lately; he'd started noticing more than just her stunning face, lithe body or unapologetic sexuality. Though most days Lulu was loathe to admit it; Maxie had been a good friend to her. He knew the history; the rivalry between the two blondes but like their shared friend Spinelli, he too saw beyond their petty feuds of the past.

He'd never actually disliked Maxie; she was too brutally honest about her own limitations, her own flaws – it was too reminiscent of his sister for him to do anything other than to admire her for it.

It drove Lulu crazy and he knew it. His refusal to dismiss Maxie as a one-note bitch had long irritated his girlfriend; especially back when Maxie had been throwing herself at him on a continuous basis. But even then, he couldn't help but be amused at Maxie and her games; her obvious ploys of last year. Mainly because he believed what she said to him in the elevator all those months ago. Underneath the games, the rivalry; she truly was concerned for Lulu's emotional stability and mental health. Had good reason to be as it turned out.

Logically he knew he was not responsible for Lulu's breakdown; he hadn't driven Logan Hayes to nearly rape Maxie or go after Lulu. It didn't stop his guilt though.

That was something Lulu didn't understand. How responsible he felt for everything she'd gone through. How twisted up and convoluted his family was; how his father had poisoned everything he'd touched. It had made him the man he was today.

Lulu claimed to love that man; but in his more honest moments, Johnny could see that love came with conditions. And he understood that, he did – his family was crazy. But it was still his family.

She seemed to think sometimes that it was some kind of a game; a _my family is crazier than yours_, kind of thing. But she couldn't come close to understanding his world. And most of the time; he was grateful for that. Liked that she hadn't been turned cold and calculating like his sister; other times it infuriated him that Lulu couldn't see that wasn't all his sister was. That she refused to acknowledge or at least try to understand how twisted his world was and how conflicted it had made him.

Maxie would understand. And that thought was driving him crazy; mainly because those words rolled around his head more and more. The weight of being a Zacchara; he'd look at the unapologetic manipulative blonde and think _Maxie would understand._

The fear of his and Claudia's involvement being revealed in Michael Corinthos' shooting and he'd think _Maxie would understand_. Another fight with Lulu over his sister; his father; his getting a job; and he'd think _Maxie would understand_.

It's a weak excuse and he knows it. Their conflicts, their tension; it's more than just Lulu not understanding his world. Because honestly; with her conman parentally ambivalent father and her crazy upbringing – she should have more in common with him, be able to understand him more than the daughter of two spies and a police commissioner.

But both girls were more than the sum of just their upbringing; they looked at the world differently.

Lulu's complete faith that things would work out for her because they always did; was refreshing. She needed a job; it fell into her lap. She needed money; her cousin came up with the cash. She killed a man and went crazy; everyone in her life bent over backwards to protect her, shelter her. Even her supposed enemy.

Maxie.

Maxie was just the opposite. She operated on the belief that everything was going to collapse at any moment anyway; so why the hell not create as much trouble as possible along the way?

Except that if you got to know her; actually took the time to know the girl – she revealed tantalizing pieces of herself. She didn't trust many people, mainly because most of them had let her down. But she was fiercely loyal and gave one hundred percent to everything. Her biting wit hid a killer sense of humor; her self-evasiveness masking her deep insecurities. She was infinitely layered and spending any amount of time with her made a man want to peel away each one.

And that was what scared him. He wanted to be with Lulu, wanted to feel her goodness wash over him and cleanse him from the dirt that came with being a Zacchara. He was tired of fighting against himself; it soothed him to be with Lulu who believed she didn't owe anyone anything – the world owed her. It was refreshing; he constantly felt like he had to apologize – make amends for his last name, his family, his upbringing. Something Lulu didn't understand.

But Maxie would.

He wanted to be with Lulu; but more and more, _he needed_ to be with Maxie. Just to be near her and her brutally honest view of the world, herself and other people. He felt like he could breathe again when she would come sweeping into the room all sarcastic quips and snide asides. She would take one look at him, cock her head to the side, hand on hip and demand he stop acting "all broody"; after all Port Charles already had one mob boy with a stick up his ass, it didn't need another Jason Morgan.

Lulu would gasp and immediately jump to Johnny's defense as she berated Maxie for her insensitivity. But Maxie would just grin and send him a wink before turning to Lulu and leaving the other girl dizzy with a rapid-fire barrage of words and insults. And Johnny would hide his smile and think _Maxie understands_.

He'd never really had a friend before so it was understandable that he was protective of the person that had truly proven to be one. So his constant worrying about her; about her safety, her health, her closeness to Spinelli – he could dismiss all that as being a friend to her in return.

But his every growing need to be near her, to get her opinion on something, to her hear laughter or just to watch her – it wasn't friendship, and he knew it.

He and Lulu were fighting more and more each day; their distance between them growing wider. It didn't matter his intention to be alone after each fight; inevitably he'd find himself seeking out Maxie. The Maxie the world believed they knew would have taken full advantage of his weakness, his ever growing dependence on her. The Maxie he knew though; his Maxie – she would listen when he needed it or just stand in silence with him, she always knew instinctively what he needed. But there was no flirtation, no hidden agenda, no subtle undermining of Lulu. Just a quiet understanding and the inevitable encouragement to go back and work it out with his girlfriend.

He knew the awareness, the heat between them wasn't one-sided; but time spent with her had revealed the true Maxie. She was tired of being the "wicked witch" in Lulu's fairytale life of innocent princess. She wasn't going to be Lulu's scapegoat for the implosion of her relationship. It was more than that though and Johnny knew it; she valued her friendships, was fiercely protective of them. It would not be her that initiated the demise of Lulu's relationship with Johnny. She blew a lot of hot air about Lulu; but Maxie counted her as a friend now – she would be there for Johnny to listen, to understand; but that was it.

Sometimes Johnny thought maybe if she just made a move; lived up to her bad girl rep he could just forget about her. Have her for an afternoon and give in to all the fantasies that had been filling his head lately with her; and it would be out of his system.

But that was a lie and he knew it. Maxie Jones had somehow worked her way into his blood; his awareness of her thrummed under his skin, wound its way around his heart. Lulu would hate him if she knew the turn of his thoughts lately; but Maxie would understand.


End file.
